OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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