i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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