remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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