i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
