Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I see more hoeing in ur future
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