I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
