Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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