i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
