WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
