Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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