a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
