I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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