Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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