i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
