another moral hangover. fuck.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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