is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
