My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
