She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
