you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
