They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
