One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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