I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
