i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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