Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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