Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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