I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
