Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Come share oat with me in your robe
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
