Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
