The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
