someone threw a dead crab at me
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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