Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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