I faked an abortion last night.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
