Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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