Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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