physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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