totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
