Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
