It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
