i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
