I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
