I wannas sexs uuuuu
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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