the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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