I smell stomach acid.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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