I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
