I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
