It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
