Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
