the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
