Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
