So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
