Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
