They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
