i permit you to call me
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
