You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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